Expectation and Delivery

How many times have you imagined a scenario in your head and then once the moment has been lived or even right in that minute you are like hold on that’s not what I had envisaged this to be?

Can you relate or is that just me?

Last week was half term and it was a breath of fresh air. It literally felt like someone had lifted a heavy backpack off my shoulders. I know some mums who love homeschooling and do it with such flair and I admire them greatly. Maybe it was my lack of choice in the matter, maybe it is the fact it is one of the many balls I am trying to juggle or maybe I am just making excuses whatever the reason it is not an area that I have thrived in.

While I had the space to think I thought of all the ways I could make it work. I made my plans and wrote my lists. Next week is going to be better I told myself, it’s going to be different, I have a plan.

Well, Monday morning rolled around and we didn’t even reach lunchtime before the wheels fell off the proverbial bus. My inbox was pinging with e-mails flying in thick and fast, the WhatsApp’s were buzzing and both daughters were asking for more than I knew what to do and I was a hot frazzled mess. THEN I had that realization hold on a second this wasn’t meant to be happening, I had made up my mind  – this half term was meant to be different, glorious, and yet here we were.

So much to process has happened this week. There has been the death of George Floyd and how that has impacted not just his town or country but our world and the hurt, pain and anger that has come to the surface   [ more to come on this in another blog.]  

I have to realize life is not perfect and neither am I. No matter how hard I try to manufacture the moment, it is most probably not going to turn out how I planned and that’s okay. It is how I react at the moment that counts. It is what I do when the pressure is on that matter.

I can release myself from being a perfectionist. I make mistakes and I have regrets BUT I am trying, learning from the past [ or at least attempting too ] and moving forward. It’s a journey – I have not arrived.

I am becoming the person that I always want to be – kind, emotionally aware, creative, resilient, authentic, brave, trustworthy, grateful, and this will take time. It’s a metamorphosis, not a magical quick fix.

It is important not just for me but for the kind of person I want my children to be, the kind of people they are becoming, and already are.

This quote explains it so well  - Love doesn’t have to be perfectly delivered to reach its recipient; it is the love that is given consistently — in times of struggle and in times of joy — that transforms us into who we’re meant to be. Rachel Macy Stafford

What a reminder and what a relief. Love doesn’t have to be perfectly delivered! It’s okay to get it wrong. It’s the consistent love that transforms so here’s to picking up the pieces and finishing off the week and starting off the next and the next for as long as COVID has us in this.

Live in the moment and love like there is no tomorrow.

I can do it and so can you!