Equipped: Let's talk About Sex
Here at LVA, when it comes to sex, we believe in straight talking. But straight talking is hard if you don’t have the right words. Quoting Albus Dumbledore “words are, in my not so humble opinion, our greatest weapon” and words are always changing. Here are some examples of words used to describe sex related terms by our young people:
BEAT, POKE, BANG: words used to describe sexual intercourse by teenagers.
PUSSY WHIPPED: a person who is deemed to be at the beck and call of their partner.
BORING, TO YOUNG FOR ME. PRUDE (yes, it’s made a comeback), SLAG (I know right!): just a few words to describe girls who don't send nudes.
LINE UPS: when boys line up to receive sexual acts from a girl - usually involving oral sex.
SUNFLOWER KISS: a phrase to describe a graphic, potentially painful and dangerous sexual act that I won’t explain here but kids joke and brag about it a lot now.
Some of these words have evolved (or as I like to say, devolved) since I was a teen, because of easy access to pornography. But the reality is, we have always used words to skirt around sexual references.
Many are used to humiliate or belittle the act or people involved. But some are used for other reasons such as respect for the culture around us, kindness or sometimes fear and to avoid embarrassment. although being respectful and age appropriate is not wrong, if the use of certain sexual reference’s are stopping us from talking honestly and openly about sex then we need to question why we use them.
For instance, many parents invent names for genitals and tell our children that they were delivered to us by a stork, or they came out our belly button.
We have a bit of a family joke in our house. When my children are being rude to me, I often talk about how I carried them in my womb for nine months and pushed them out of my vagina (and therefore deserve better behaviour).
Don't get me wrong, using words like willy, balls, boobies, moo moo etc. aren't necessarily harmful, but if we can’t talk about genitals properly, how on earth are we going to talk about things like sexual intimacy? And how are we equipping our young children to understand their bodies, value them and make mature judgements about how they’re used?
For instance, how will our children learn that sex is a beautiful and intimate act, made for two people to come together (excuse the pun) in the most vulnerable, intimate and trusting way they possibly can? How will they know that sex is not just a physical act but in fact releases hormones that emotionally attach us to the person we have sex with? How will they know that sexual intimacy has the power to make us feel amazing within the context of a healthy, mature & consensual relationship but can also lead to devastating consequences when performed outside of this context.
Relationship and sex education is an important topic for parents and carers. The majority of teenagers I work with want to be able to have these conversations with their main carers, but too often they feel their carers either wont talk about it or don’t know how to start the conversation. leaving our young people at the mercy of pornography or to friends to find out about sex.
We mustn't be led by fear but by a passion for our children to grow in a world where it’s OK to talk about relationships and sex in a healthy and empowering way. I love teaching about sex - and not just because it’s funny to watch teens squirm – because once the kids realise that I’m not uncomfortable and I’m willing to be honest (within boundaries of course), they start to open up in amazing and insightful ways!
When young people are given the opportunity to talk about relationships and sex in a safe environment, they are so eager to ask questions, share and debate opinions. Young people are crying out for adults who care for them to guide them and be available to talk about these subjects.
So, if you want some tools to enable you start the conversation, then book your tickets to our Parent talk via our event page.